8. spam

[exnihilo]

Mira sidles up to you. She's friendly, but not excessively so, not suspiciously so. She seems like a wallflower finally trying to ease out of her shell, or some similar mixed metaphor. In the cafeteria, it's 'Hey, do you mind if I sit with you?' and a small smile. In the hallways it's falling into step, one shoulder tilted awkward and shy. 'Hi. You're so-and-so, right?' In the library she asks what you're reading; on the deck she mentions the stars are beautiful. It's mild and banal, which isn't the point. The point is getting close enough to deftly tap a sticky note on your back. Don't worry, it only says your name.

[OOC: Mira is trying to do this for everyone, so David knows where people are! She also wished to remember, meaning her own past. Instead she's going to get other people's memories - critical, trivial, or things they had forgotten. Feel free to toss her one!]

Comments

[exnihilo]

[She scowls, yanks her hand back, if he doesn't want - if he won't -]

A man was choking me, and I didn't like it.

[Dour understatement and frank commentary on the contrast with her usual kinks at the same time.]

I didn't ask - well, I didn't want this to happen, you know.

[characterdefect]

[No touching. But she was, and the way she speaks - he remembers Louise, his hands around her neck and hers around his, and he smiles. Sort of. Stabbed half to death with missing her, all of a sudden. Not that he loved her. Not that he knows how.]

I know. I just.

Don't touch me.

[His eyes are frank and sharp on hers, his fists clenching and unclenching at his side.]

I didn't want it to happen, either. So I guess we're even.

[exnihilo]

I can pretend it didn't happen.

[Quietly, eyes down, taking a step back. She withdraws into her own space, not cowering, just - becoming less obtrusive. It's deliberate.]

If that's what you want. I've forgotten almost everything else, it'll probably be true eventually.

[characterdefect]

Maybe it's for the best.

[But he doesn't sound too certain. Insecure, like a smaller man than he's built himself up to be. He doesn't care for her retreat, either. Doesn't know why.]

You scared? [Of him; of the memory. Of death. Probably not that last one.]

[exnihilo]

No. I just know I don't have a right to it, that's all.

[Quiet, steady, honest.]

[characterdefect]

[He keeps hold of her gaze like it's the last valuable thing in the world, just for a minute. Or tries to, anyway; if she's still looking away, he'll study her as if deciding how best to crush the life out of her.]

[But he doesn't want to. She's - valuable? Maybe; maybe that's it. Or maybe he just likes her. She's lovely, complex, layered, damaged. Lonely.]

That's why you don't ever trust anyone. [His voice is rough, angry - not at her, not anymore. And it's hyperbolic, but then that's the only way he talks anymore, big and loud, in this persona that Joe helped him construct.]

[exnihilo]

I wish I could give you mine back.

[Pensive, wistful. She holds his gaze as long as he does.]

I made a legal waiver, the first night. Said I consented to anything, everything, had the ship witness it. He could have killed me then and suffered no repercussions.

It wasn't that I trusted him. I didn't even know him. I don't know if I thought he was incapable of destroying any part of me that mattered or if I honestly wanted to risk it. Maybe both. We did such terrible things to each other. But splendidly.

I trusted him later. Just -

[Just to be with her, to hold on to what she thought meant so much to both of them. I could not watch because I love you.]

He left me behind.

[She would have preferred he killed her at the start. She'd accepted that, he had permission. Her voice shakes, a little. But she doesn't cry. She's done crying over Darling.]

[characterdefect]

Do you think this makes us even?

[The worst thing is, it does. He sees her vulnerability and tucks it away, and becomes angry on her behalf, too, even as he understands this unnamed man's impulses. Doing such terrible things to each other, but splendidly. He did to Louise, too, and she did back.]

[He misses her awfully, wishes that if she has to be dead that she was at least dead here with him, if not in his arms then within arm's reach, so he could brush his fingers across the back of her neck and leave marks there. Make her angry.]

[When Mira's voice shakes, he sighs, hands limp at his sides.]

Don't pretend it didn't happen. Even you're not a good enough actress to make me forget.

[exnihilo]

[She blinks, seriously considers the question, rhetorical or not.]

I don't know. I don't really think of things in terms of debts. I think of things in terms of intimacy.

And I wanted to you to know.

[Not you deserved to know. She just wanted.]

I won't pretend.

[Plain, solemn as a promise without being sentimental. She might forget in truth, but she won't pretend.]

[characterdefect]

[She wanted him to know. Even though she doesn't know him well, she has to know that he is dangerous - could use that information against her, if he wanted to. And yet.]

[He puts his hand on her shoulder, after a moment of internal debate.]

Thank you. [He doesn't even know what he's thanking her for. Just that she has done something kind for him, something terribly unwise and kind.]