2 - Video, public

[exnihilo]

[Open, Video]

[She got caught by the women's council, near the end. They dragged her off when she claimed to have no family to be returned to, interred her in a tiny church with other troublesome, unmarried young ladies. Most of them had had a child out of wedlock. They did laundry together, work and penance, the heavy lye soap burning their hands hour by hour. Mira could have swaggered out bloody, but she didn't - something about the mumbled prayers and the delicate stained glass windows and the blunt, human directness of it, the brusque cruelty and judgement appealed to her. Their God was hypocritical and describable; the things he required of her were concrete and impersonal. It didn't matter that she was no one, in the cloister - all of them were no one, were discards, and they showed her how to do the work and took her unhesitatingly in. She enjoyed it, in her way, listened to the other women talk about their children, taught one how to break her boyfriend's wrist the next time he came home drunk. And she stayed until the barge caught her up again.

She's in the chapel now, dull and bare by comparison, not gaudy morbid stories or old ash marks on squat brick. She rolls a candle from one hand to the other. She has kept to herself, so far, has made no announcements or introductions, done nothing to draw undue attention since the nature of this place was explained to her. She was content with that state of affairs. But she is curious, now.]

How many of us are religious?


[Spam, for Harvey Two-Face]

[Several days after the fair, Mira shows up at his door, tense and eager. She's put it off - she's nervous, if she's honest, because she doesn't know how to do this, and she can't trust her own memory. She thinks he was crazy, thinks he responded the same way she did, but what if she's wrong? What if smashing his jaw with a billiard ball was too far?

At least she has an excuse to be here. She has presents.]

Comments

[darknessb4me]

Gods are just people. They abandon you when it suits their purposes.

[exnihilo]

[It's more controlled than a flinch, partakes as much in relief as pain. It is - good, to be known. To hear someone say things she can't say, has barely let herself think. Her eyes close for a moment, and she lets out a small breath before flicking them open again. She wonders how much she dares say.]

Yes.

I'm sorry.

[darknessb4me]

What doesn't kill you makes you smarter. Any immortal with power can be a god given enough time and worshippers.

[exnihilo]

[Hers only had one worshipper, as far as she ever knew. They were stronger when no one knew they ruled.]

Is that what your gods were like? Demanding obeisance?

[darknessb4me]

[That's a word he doesn't know, but it's not hard to figure out in context.]

Obedience to certain guidelines, generally. What's the point of power if no one listens?

[exnihilo]

That's a very loud sort of power.

Quiet power is when people live and die every day according to your decisions, and they don't even know it, and never have a chance to disobey.

[She says this very softly. Her heart pounds in her chest. She feels as though it might almost drown out her words. She wonders if she wants it to.]

[darknessb4me]

Makes it hard to call in favors when no one knows you're there.

[exnihilo]

If you need favors, were you really that powerful to start with?

[darknessb4me]

There's more than one kind of power. Being able to lead and command is certainly one.

[exnihilo]

I suppose. I haven't seen much of that sort of power.

[Because the Gods dislike war, generally, so the the currents of humanity are steered to avoid them; those who have the skills to win one never get to demonstrate them. They dislike centralized power of personality more broadly. They're more difficult to maneuver. She's killed a few demagogues, here and there. Tragic accidents. Lost too soon. Very touching.]

[darknessb4me]

Every kingdom or church has to begin somewhere.

[exnihilo]

[They started as smaller people's weapons. The Terran Military Mind. The Martian Military Mind. The Terran Fiduciary Mind. She wants to lay it out. She wants to name them. Ice grinds in her throat. No, best not.]

Do you want to be a god?

[darknessb4me]

I've been one. It's better than being trapped here, I can tell you that.

[exnihilo]

[She thinks: I like that I can see the bars here. She shoves the thought away.]

This place seems very small to me.

What did you do with your power?

[darknessb4me]

Ruined empires. Gathered angels, slayed demons. Scourged the living from the face of the world.

[exnihilo]

Why?

[Not disapproving. Just curious.]

[darknessb4me]

Because they were there.

[exnihilo]

...that's fair.

[This strikes Mira as a perfectly reasonable answer.]

[darknessb4me]

This place is small. The same hundred people are sticking their noses into things every day. Get used to it.

[exnihilo]

My last ship was a few thousand, and that was small.

This is...utterly circumscribed.

[darknessb4me]

It's supposed to be for our own good.

[exnihilo]

My old keepers never pretended I wasn't a slave.

[Treated her well, claimed they loved her, yes, but she knew what she was.]

This is...less straightforward.

[darknessb4me]

That was nice of them.

[But certainly not required, hence his lack of surprise.]

[exnihilo]

Yes.

[They are kind, in their way. She doesn't say this because the tense - present or past - feels like either too much revealed or too much betrayed.]

[darknessb4me]

These ones will want you to forget.

Don't.